


Grasping Air

by SleeplessLemon



Category: Karroy, TFBOYS (Band), kaiyuan, 凯源
Genre: Angst, Hurt, M/M, karry wang - Freeform, roy wang - Freeform, tfboys - Freeform, wang jun kai, wang yuan - Freeform, 王俊凯 - Freeform, 王源 - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:41:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22271218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SleeplessLemon/pseuds/SleeplessLemon
Summary: "Love is the simplest thing mankind is capable of. How the hell did you turn this into a hideous mess."
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

I never believed in ghosts or life-after-death or any of the occult shit. But if ghosts actually exists, it must've had vengeance deeper than the ocean itself, and hatred that rose higher than the sky. So they were forced to turn into an aimless soul, wandering around, finding ways to release their vengeance. Not dead but not alive. Full of emotions but emotionless.

I never thought of myself as vengeful, though.

I died. Death by self harm.

When I was dragging the fruit knife down my arms, I felt some sort of reconciled. I didn't have any hatred or sorrow raging inside me. I just felt numb, like there is no need to continue on anymore, so why torture myself and force myself to live this life?

When all hope and aspirations gets sucked out of a person, death might not seem so scary. All I remember was the frigidness of the water washing away the dark scarlet blood. I remember staring at my bloody raw wrist and slowly closing my eyes with only one thought in mind:

I can finally let go of everything. All the love, hate, sorrow will finally be washed away with the blood.

I'm letting you go for real this time, Junkai

And I wish you happiness for the rest of your life.

***

I never thought that I would see light again. There was a speck in my suffocating darkness that soon turned into a flicker, and a blinding white light exploded in front of my eyes. I slowly opened my eyes after a few seconds and waited for my eyes to adjust. An image slowly formed in my eyes. And I saw the home that once belonged to me and him. A huge white sofa in front of the TV with a brown coffee table in between them. The lamp next to the sofa casted a soft glow on his ravishing features. I looked down at my body. I felt like a feather floating in the wind. The sorrow and hopelessness that was once engraved into my mind was gone with my body. I just feel emotionless now. I felt tired. I'm asleep but not asleep. Conscious but unconscious.

He always liked laying on the couch on his side and drift off to sleep with the lamp on. I've always liked to quietly kneel next to him and stare at his sharp features under the soft light. His ebony Christian cross earring was like a seastone with hidden colors glimmering between his loose strands of hair.

Junkai shifted his position and fumbled for the Indian design blanket that already fell to the floor. I was always the one that gently cover him up with a blanket. But now, I can only stand there and watch. He couldn't find the blanket and was forced to wake up. He reached through my body and snatched up the blanket.

He couldn't feel or see me. He couldn't sense my existence. But it didn't really matter. He never paid attention to my existence when I was alive. He's always treated my like air, and now I'm really just a cloud of air.

I stared at his chest rising and falling. I shouldn't be here. What am I even doing staring at him? I'm supposed to go insane. Tear myself apart from going crazy and grab the Grim Reaper's collar and ask what the fuck is this!

I didn't see God, I didn't go to the River Styx. Nobody is here to tell me where I should go from here. So I just died. No heaven, no hell. I just turned into an isolated ghost that nobody will ever care for. How come I came back to him? There must've been a bug. Maybe the door to heaven opened behind me, but I didn't see. Or maybe the devil was busy today, so he irresponsibly abandoned me here.

Like waking up from a dream, I found myself sitting in a car with Junkai next to me sound asleep. I called the chauffeur's name. He didn't answer. I tried to touch Junkai's bangs, but my hand went right through him.

I felt like my body could float, but my translucent feet were firmly planted on the floor. When he got out of the car, I was tugged with him by some invisible force. Like invisible threads stringing me along. I found out the furthest I can get was four feet.

I found myself in that familiar room. The familiar smell, the familiar lighting. Because of my poor tastes, a bright yellow curtain hung between the windows and the tan walls. Everything was still the same, except that the picture of me and Junkai in front of a mic singing our signature song, Onion was now replaced by a picture of Jingyuan and Junkai instead.

I knew a long time ago that this was going to happen, so why the tears?

They're two huge superstars who used to only display their affection behind closed doors are now in an open relationship. Couple stans are literally everywhere.

Looking back, I'm just one of the evil third-wheeler in stereotypical love stories that hangs on the main character and doesn't let go. Trying to rip apart the two main characters, preventing them from a happily ever after ending. Well, now I'm finally gone. Cleared away like trash.

The Dolce & Gabbana posters of him that I've always treasured were ripped off. Even the collectable edition postcards were thrown away. I did feel angry because I've always treasured them, but them immediately stopped myself.

This isn't the time to be mad.


	2. Chapter 2

While I was absorbed in the familiar scent of the house I probably will never see again, I realize Junkai was already in the shower. I’m not low enough to use the classic “I-am-a-ghost-so-there-is-no-choice-but-to-follow-him-in-the-shower” excuse to take a peek, so I floated out the shower stall. Even then, I can still see a faint figure of his well-built body through the frosted glass door. I stared at the grey floor tiles as the flowing water filled in the silence. I remember when I asked if we should change the white tiles to matte grey. I also remember the bitter indifferent look in his eyes when he said that he didn’t care.

When the mirror began to fog up, I heard him open the shower stall. Water trickled down his body and dripped to the floor. I hated myself for getting aroused when I saw his body during this type of situation.

I don’t think ghosts need sleep. All I know is that I took in as much of his scent and gazed at him until golden sunlight slipped between the curtains. I can’t touch him, can’t hug him; I can only stare. Nevertheless, I still feel very satisfied.

I know. I’m hopeless.


End file.
